Choose Well and Love as Christ Loves

If that seems heavy and burdensome, then do everything possible to take from the beginning a woman who is good, gentle, and obedient. Know that one of two things will be necessary: either you take a difficult wife and bear the burden of her character, or, refusing to do so, you put her away and fall under the charge of adultery. For Christ says, “Whoever puts away his wife, except for a matter of sexual immorality, causes her to be adulterated; and whoever marries a woman who has been put away commits adultery.”

If before marriage we consider these things carefully and know these laws, we will make every effort to choose from the beginning a woman who is well ordered and compatible with our character. If we receive such a wife, we will gain not only this benefit—that we will never put her away—but also that we will love her with great intensity, according to the measure Paul commands.

After saying, “Husbands, love your wives,” Paul did not stop there. He gave us the measure of that love: “as Christ also loved the Church.” And how did Christ love the Church? “He gave Himself for her.” So even if it becomes necessary to die for your wife, do not refuse. If the Master so loved His slave as to give Himself for her, how much more should you love the woman who is your fellow slave.

But perhaps the beauty of the bride attracted the Bridegroom, or the virtue of her soul drew Him. We cannot say this. To see that she was ugly and unclean, listen to what follows. After saying, “He gave Himself for her,” Paul adds, “that He might sanctify her, cleansing her by the washing of water.” By saying “cleansing her,” he shows that she had previously been unclean and defiled—not slightly, but with extreme uncleanness, stained by the reek of sacrifice, smoke, gore, blood, and countless other such marks.