Section 7

Nothing is more pleasant than virtue, nothing sweeter than good order, nothing more desirable than dignity. Let someone celebrate a wedding of the kind I describe, and he will discover its joy. Pay attention, then, to what kind of wedding I mean.

First, seek for the young woman a husband who will truly be a husband and protector, as though you were about to place a head upon a body and to entrust to him not a slave but your daughter. Do not seek money, distinguished family, or the greatness of his homeland; all these are unnecessary. Seek reverence in his soul, gentleness, true understanding, and the fear of God, if you want your daughter to live with joy. If you seek a wealthier man, you will not only fail to benefit her; you may harm her by making her a slave instead of a free woman. The pleasure she receives from gold will not be as great as the distress she experiences from being treated as subordinate because of wealth.

Do not seek these things. Above all, seek someone of comparable standing; and if that is not possible, it is better to choose someone poorer rather than richer, if what you want is not to sell your daughter to a master but to give her to a husband. Once you have carefully examined the man’s virtue and are ready to give her in marriage, ask Christ to be present. He will not be ashamed to come, for marriage is a mystery of His presence. Better still, ask Him from the beginning to provide such a bridegroom.

Do not be inferior to Abraham’s servant. When he was sent on so important a journey, he knew where to turn for help, and therefore he obtained everything he needed. When you are carefully looking for a husband, pray. Say to God, “Provide the one whom You will.” Entrust the matter to Him, and because you honor Him with this trust, He will honor you in return. Two things are necessary: entrust the matter to God, and seek the kind of man He Himself would approve—orderly and self-controlled.

When you celebrate the wedding, do not go from house to house borrowing mirrors and clothes. This is not a display, and you are not leading your daughter into a parade. Make your house cheerful with what you already have, and invite neighbors, friends, and relatives. Invite those whom you know to have good character, and ask them to be content with what is available. Let no one from the theatrical stage be present; that expense is unnecessary and shameful.

Before everyone else, invite Christ. Do you know how to invite Him? He says, “Whoever does it for one of the least of these does it for Me.” Do not think it unpleasant to invite poor people for Christ’s sake. What is truly unpleasant is to invite prostitutes. Inviting the poor becomes an occasion for wealth; inviting prostitutes becomes an occasion for ruin.

Adorn the bride not with ornaments of gold, but with gentleness, modesty, and her ordinary clothing. Instead of every golden ornament and elaborate hairstyle, clothe her with a modest blush, a sense of shame, and freedom from the desire for such display. Let there be no uproar or confusion. Let the bridegroom be called, and let him receive the young woman. Let the meals and banquets be filled not with drunkenness but with spiritual joy.

Countless good things will come from a wedding like this, and the married life that follows will be safer. But from the weddings celebrated in the usual way—if they should even be called weddings rather than spectacles—see how many evils arise. The festivities are scarcely over when anxiety and fear immediately begin: perhaps something borrowed has been lost. Unbearable sadness succeeds the pleasure. This worry falls on the bride’s family, and the bride herself is not free from it either. Everything that follows concerns her directly. To see all the decorations dismantled becomes an occasion for sadness; to see the house empty becomes a cause for gloom.

Set the two kinds of celebration beside one another: Christ on one side, Satan on the other; joy against anxiety; pleasure against grief; unnecessary expense against freedom from it; indecency against good order; envy against freedom from envy; drunkenness against sobriety, salvation, and self-control.

Keeping all these things in mind, let us bring this evil custom to an end, so that we may please God and be counted worthy to obtain the blessings promised to those who love Him, by the grace and loving-kindness of our Lord Jesus Christ, with whom glory, dominion, and honor belong to the Father together with the Holy Spirit, now and always and unto ages of ages. Amen.