Section 2

For when a husband and wife are divided from one another in the home, the household will be no better off than a ship in a storm when the pilot is at odds with the officer at the bow. For this reason he says, “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to fasting and prayer.” Here he means prayer pursued with greater intensity. For if he were forbidding those who come together as husband and wife from praying at all, how could there ever be a time to “pray without ceasing”? It is possible, then, both to live with one’s wife and to attend to prayer. Yet prayer becomes more concentrated through abstinence. He did not simply say, “so that you may pray,” but “so that you may devote yourselves to it,” since marital relations cause distraction, not uncleanness.

“And then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you.” So that this might not seem to be a matter of strict legislation, he adds the reason. What is it? “So that Satan may not tempt you.” And to teach you that the devil is not the only cause of adultery, he adds, “because of your lack of self-control.”

“But I say this by way of concession, not as a command. For I wish that all people were as I myself am,” that is, living in self-control. Paul often does this when he gives counsel about difficult things: he places himself before them and says, “Become imitators of me.”

“But each has his own gift from God, one in this way and another in that.” Since he had rebuked them strongly by saying, “because of your lack of self-control,” he consoles them again by adding, “Each has his own gift from God.” He does not mean that success in this requires no effort from us; rather, as I said before, he is comforting them. For if it is simply a gift and a person contributes nothing toward it, how can he then say, “I say to the unmarried and to widows: it is good for them if they remain as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry”? Do you see Paul’s wisdom? He shows that self-control is better, yet he does not force the person who cannot attain it, because he fears that a fall may result.

“For it is better to marry than to burn.” He shows how tyrannical desire can be. What he means is this: If you endure great pressure and burning desire, release yourself from these struggles and labors, lest you be overthrown by them.

“But to the married I give this command—not I, but the Lord.” He is about to cite a law explicitly laid down by Christ, that a wife is not to be put away except on account of sexual immorality. This is why he says, “not I.” The things spoken earlier, though Christ had not stated them in these exact words, are nevertheless in accord with His will; but this command He delivered expressly. This, then, is the difference between “I” and “not I.” And so that you do not suppose Paul’s own words to be merely human, he later adds, “I think that I too have the Spirit of God.”

What, then, did the Lord command the married? “A wife must not separate from her husband; but if she does separate, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband; and a husband must not put away his wife.” Since separations sometimes arose because of abstinence, or for other reasons, or from petty resentments, Paul says that it is better for no separation to occur in the first place. But if it does occur, let the wife remain bound to her husband—not necessarily by marital relations, but by not bringing in another man as husband.

“To the rest I say, not the Lord: If any brother has an unbelieving wife and she is willing to live with him, let him not put her away. And if any woman has an unbelieving husband and he is willing to live with her, let her not put him away.” Just as, when speaking about separation from sexually immoral people, Paul made the command practicable by adding, “not meaning the sexually immoral of this world altogether,” so here too he takes great care to make the matter bearable. If a woman has an unbelieving husband, or a man an unbelieving wife, let the believer not put the unbeliever away.

What are you saying? If the spouse is an unbeliever, let him or her remain, but if sexually immoral, not so—even though sexual immorality is a lesser evil than unbelief? Yes, sexual immorality is lesser, but God greatly accommodates your weakness. He does the same with sacrifice when He says, “Leave your gift there and be reconciled to your brother.” He does the same with the man who owed ten thousand talents. He did not punish that man merely for owing Him ten thousand talents; but when the man demanded a hundred denarii from his fellow servant, He punished him.

Then, so that a believing wife will not be afraid that marital relations with an unbelieving husband make her unclean, Paul says, “The unbelieving husband is sanctified in the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified in the husband.” Yet if “the one who is joined to a prostitute is one body with her,” it is clear that a woman joined to an idolater is likewise one body with him. They are indeed one body; nevertheless, she does not become unclean. Rather, the purity of the believing wife overcomes the uncleanness of the husband, and likewise the purity of the believing husband overcomes the uncleanness of the unbelieving wife.